on mean girls (part 3)
Mean girls — both adolescents and adults — often struggle with one or more of the following:
Low self-worth (envy)
Scarcity mindset
Emotional immaturity
Competition trauma
Chronic comparison
Fear of irrelevance
Poor regulation skills
Insecurity (arrogance)
Lack of personal identity
Spiritual distortion
In many, if not most cases, mean girls are simply projecting their internal deficiencies outward. Their behavior is not rooted in confidence, superiority, or power — but in extremely volatile, unhealed, and internalized feelings.
As the recipient of mean girl behavior, it is crucial — and I know it is hard — not to internalize it. Whatever that mean girl is doing it’s rarely, if ever, about you. It’s about the turmoil they’re carrying, identity they haven’t built, and how small they feel next to the idea of you.
So just being yourself triggers something deep within them regarding a version of themself that they deeply desire to express but it does not exist so they cannot fully possess or access it.
And that’s the real root.
So we’ve gotten to the bottom of things, and as we round out this series, let’s explore a few classic mean girl archetypes:
Gatekeeping Guru
Seeks to control access to opportunities and info; forms and manages cliques; peers and colleagues fear retribution
Wound: Scarcity mindset; fear of being irrelevant or replaced
Infamous Underminer
Engages in quiet sabotage; expertise in gossip disguised as concern as well as manufacturing pure chaos
Wound: Low self worth, envy, emotional immaturity
Constant Competitor
Always need to win or be the center of attention; secretly seethes at the success of others
Wound: Chronic comparison, competition trauma, insecurity
The Opposite of Great Expectations
Supports you publicly (sort of) and disappears when it matters
Wound: Insecurity, lack of personal identity
Karma Chameleon
Adapts behavior solely depending on who’s around; constantly shifting alliances
Wound: Fear of irrelevance, poor regulation skills
There are at least six or seven more archetypes that I can think of; however, I do not want this series to go on and on forever, so for now five is enough, right?
These are my final thoughts:
To all the Mean Girls out there,
While I do not know all that transpired to make you behave this way, I must highlight that at some point, your attitude, actions, and decisions are simply your choices and decisions. It is obvious that you are extremely unhappy and unwell and although my heart truly goes out to you, it’s time to grow up. Maybe nobody has ever told you this before or maybe they did and you’ve refused to listen. Whatever the case may be, it’s time to do your work and get the help and support you desperately need so that you can start to feel better, whole, and complete… and stop terrorizing others. You were made for way more than just being a mean girl. It’s time to evolve.
To those of us who Deal with Mean Girls On the Regular,
Keep letting your light shine because hopefully one day they will see that they have a light to shine too and put in the work to become more healed and whole. We know that you have never really had a problem with them so you have to remember that they simply have a problem (or problems) within themselves that need tending. The irony is that you actually like them and always wanted to be friends, which somehow only makes them attack you more. Just keep doing your work and being your best self and maybe one day they will be free– or they won’t.
Either way, stay focused, on assignment, and keep being your highest and best self. xo
